Almost four years ago, I was told I had breast cancer. I was prescribed the "full menu" of treatment. I had some really rough patches through my treatment, but knew that there was an end in sight. I dug in and fought and felt in my heart that if I listened to my doctors, went to all my appointments, and did what I was told, I would eventually find myself in remission. For a while, things looked good. I referred to myself as a "Breast Cancer Survivor," and every Spring at the Komen Race, proudly don the pink "Survivor" shirt. I was sometimes only reminded of my recent history when it came time to see my medical oncologist, Dr. Smith.
These days, I am living blood test to blood test, and scan to scan. I have really struggled with the recent realization that there is no end in sight. I am hopeful that we keep this under control and can always get the better of the tumors, but I don't know if that will always be the case. It's kind of heartbreaking to realize your body is betraying you, and robs you of a blissful ignorance that many people seem to be walking around with.
On my recent checkup with Dr. Smith on February 12th, I asked him when he would think my current treatment wasn't working, if we might need to change The Plan. He said if my tumor marker blood test went up to 750 we were fine (my last results were 619). If it hit 850, he would be worried and we'd need to change The Plan. I took a deep breath, figured we had a good 100 points to play with, and said a little prayer that he wouldn't get "worried."
The next day, the 13th, was when I was supposed to call to get my results. That was the day of Washington's "storm" so Dr. Smith's office was closed. I took a moment during a typically chaotic Valentine's morning to call for my results. It went up only nine points. I was wished a Happy Valentine's Day by Ellen the nurse, and loved hearing her say, "See you in a month." I stepped into the little closet behind my concierge desk, and wiped away a few tears (yes, everything is still making me cry).
On my way home that afternoon, I started realizing that life now is not just going from blood test to blood test and scan to scan. Now I would focus on the smallest of victories, and try to cram as much fun as I can in between.
Things that made me happy this week:
--Thursday February 13th marked fifteen years since I started working at my first Concierge Desk. I am so lucky to have a career I still love. A few special people selected, trained and looked out for me. I am blessed to now have a network of friends and colleagues all over the globe that still look out for me. This is me with Marc and Gideon (my first mentors) in 1999:
--After an exhausting and productive February 14th, I went home happy to have made so many guests happy. I love the shared challenges my colleagues and I have on this date. Inauguration, Academy Awards, Chicago Marathon, any number of crazy dates "Across the Marble" all over the U.S. and the world are unique to our locations. It doesn't matter where you work in the world--people are still going to need rosesrosesroses, require last minute dinner reservations, and want help making memories. "The Big Guy" worked 3-11, so I waited for him to get home for a "Date Night In":
--My Mother's sisters, my Aunt Joan and Aunt Linda are coming to visit me next month. This is Aunt Linda with "The Big Guy" right after our wedding in 2009:
They live in New Jersey and I don't get to see them often. I'm looking forward to a little early Springtime sightseeing and reconnecting with them.
Stay Warm,
CVZ
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