At around 10:30, I received the call I had been waiting for. A nurse wanted to do a quick medical history (not always so quick with me) and see if I would qualify for a clinical trial. My wonderful medical oncologist Dr. Smith wants to put me on a drug called Letrozole to try to shrink the tumors in my liver. I've been not-so-patiently waiting for a call from the Clinical Trial, to start taking an experimental drug along with the Letrozole, that is supposed to enhance the positive effects of the Letrozole.
After 40+ minutes of rehashing my ailments and my late mother's ailments, I was told they would be in touch if I was indeed a candidate for the study. The nurse was lovely, but spoke of additional tests before any pill would hit my mouth "Two Weeks, Three Weeks..."
I had already been anxious about getting started on treatment. My January 10th oophorectomy was already part of my treatment, and supposed to help shrink the tumors. My tumor marker blood test, the one that jumped some 350 points to 400 (which is what led us to my diagnosis last month), has been nothing but going up since last month. On January 3rd, the number jumped to 500. Yesterday, they told me the blood they took on the 14th was 619. I seriously started to wonder if the cancer was totally overtaking my body.
Yesterday at 4:30, I decided to ask anyone that might still be in Dr. Smith's office how concerned I should be about the escalating numbers. I walked into the office and asked if anyone might still be in to answer my questions. Suzie, Dr. Smith's fantastic Head Nurse, came out to talk to me for at least ten minutes. She told me I just had my surgery, and they weren't concerned about the numbers. What would be alarming would be if the numbers doubled, and I was nowhere near that. I left Dr. Smith's office feeling calm, and slept better last night than I had in ages.
This morning, after I said goodbye to the Clinical Trial nurse, I thought about a few things:
--the pace of the clinical trial was concerning me
--I hated the thought of additional tests at another hospital, and either not qualifying or ending up with the placebo.
--I have the utmost faith in my medical oncologist, and after my "drop-in" yesterday, I was touched by the kindness of his staff.
The phone rang again and it was another nurse to schedule me for an appointment with the Clinical Trial. I thanked her but said I was no longer interested in participating in the Study. Then I called Dr. Smith's office to tell them I was not pursuing the study, and wanted to get started right away on the Letrozole.
Two hours later, Dr. Smith called and asked me what changed my mind. I told him the pace was bothering me, I didn't want to be a number, and if I had to make several trips to Georgetown, I would prefer a spin through Kate Spade, a cocktail, and to look at the Potomac. He said he was happy to treat me. I told him I was happy to have him treat me.
Other things to make me happy today:
Today I have felt happy and more empowered than I have for a long time.
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