So the day after tomorrow, I have to go back to Sibley Hospital for an outpatient surgery. They have to remove my right ovary and Fallopian tube.
The left one was removed when I was 19 and diagnosed with clear cell ovarian cancer. I begged my gynecologic oncologist at the time to "scoop me out completely" as I so eloquently put it. He said that since I was "still of childbearing age," he couldn't do that. I remember telling him that I was already pretty sure I didn't want kids, that I just wanted to be alive for a long time. And even if I changed my mind, I had a feeling that my body just didn't respond well to ovulation, and I was sort of terrified of being pregnant.
Fast-forward 19 years, and my breast cancer came back. It's funny, for the last three years I have been studying my skin around my "foobs" expecting the inflammatory breast cancer would only come right back in the same aggressive way. I was completely unprepared for it to spread to my liver.
Apparently we need to get the remaining ovary out of my body immediately as estrogen is the worst for my cancer. No chemo needed at this point, I just have to start on a hormone therapy four days after my surgery. Anything we can do to shrink the tumors. A few things to keep in mind:
--There is no cure for this, but it doesn't mean it is terminal. I see this as the "Wack-A-Mole" of cancer (my Medical Oncologist Dr. Smith liked that). We may control it for a bit, for several years, "chronic and manageable" yadayadayada, then it may pop up in the liver again or somewhere else.
--I still don't want kids. I'm not mourning the loss of my ability to procreate. If anything, the silver lining to all this is no more periods.
--Right now, I am trying to stay positive and cram as much fun as possible into my days. Goals before I'm 40: I must see Italy, and the Baseball Hall of Fame. There will be many more goals for each decade but those are my current ones.
I'm also hoping this blog isn't always so "cancer-y" but that is what is going on right now in my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment