Anniversaries, #Cancerversaries

  Anniversaries have always been big with me.  The really happy moments are the easiest to celebrate. #TheBigGuy & I celebrate our wedding September 20th (2009), our first date October 25th (2007), and our #MoveInIversary July 2nd (2008).
  I also honor the not-so-happy moments with the anniversary of my Mother's death June 18th (1997), and her birthday December 16th (1950). Usually these dates are accompanied by one or two special people who "get it" and fajitas or a really good pizza. As long as I take a breath and raise a glass to the woman who gave me so much and was my best friend, I'm good.
  I always love acknowledging the journey. February 13, 1999 I worked my first concierge shift. October 31, 2006 I started working for my current company. My #ConciergeIversary and my #SofitelIversary always make me extra grateful for the special souls who took a chance on me, and the many friends I have been blessed with throughout my career.
  March 19, 2010 is my #CancerVersary. A day less than six months from my wedding when I was ringing a guest up for Trolley Tickets and my breast surgeon called and told me it was cancer.
  Next month I'm coming up on a new Anniversary. My #MetastatIversary? More of a mini-season, it started on December 8th with a call that my Tumor Marker shot up almost 400 points, a physically painful spin through a PET Scan and Liver Biopsy, ending on my Mom's birthday with the news that my breast cancer had moved to my liver, no cure, yada yada yada.
  So how am I doing almost a year later?   The good news:
--I'm still able to work full-time, and even got a promotion.
--My treatment seems to be working, and keeping my tumor marker going lower and lower every thirty days.
--I'm still traveling, and #TheBigGuy and I have had some fabulous adventures, and have more planned for 2015.
  The not-as-good news:
--Side effects of this treatment are a little rough--joint and muscle pain would be the biggest challenge.
--Exercise helps, but when you wake up in excruciating pain, it's a little hard to hop over to the gym before work. You just have to get through the day, and "Keep your smile on."
--Everything makes me cry, even just a little. I'm not sure if it is the surgically induced menopause or my treatment, but whether I am happy or sad, something is bound to move me and tears will be present.
--I may weigh the same for over a year now, but my stomach, feet and sometimes face are ridiculously swollen.
--I always seem to be tired. It might be my treatment, my job, or a low-level hum of anxiety about my condition (or a mixture of it all), but I have to be extremely judicious with my time and energy--like going up a really steep hill on a quarter tank of gas.
  I realize this could be a lot worse, and there is always someone sicker than you, but these are my realities right now.
  Some people might think I am traveling too much, or over planning my year, but having fun things to look forward to keeps me grounded and takes my mind off my worries, even for a little bit.

  I need to find a way to acknowledge #MetastatIversary Season next month. Any suggestions are welcome.
Stay Warm,
CVZ

"Bad Hair Day"

  This afternoon I marched into the Chevy Chase Sephora, did my usual spin past the perfumes to "try" something delicious, and headed over to the hair products. A saleswoman asked if I needed any help, and I explained that I needed a volumizing product, as the medication my oncologist has me on seems to be making me slowly lose my hair.  My voice cracked when I said that last part. In 1995 and in 2010, I have gone through the gut-wrenching experience of losing my hair from chemotherapy, and cannot believe this is happening again, ever-so-slowly but surely. The catch is that as long as the medication seems to be working and shrinking the tumors in my liver, that I will stay on this. I left his office with tears in my eyes, as I headed over to Sephora.  The Sephora rep handled my needs in a polite and kind way. She told me that volumizers dry out hair, and what she recommended was a leave-in. I went with Phyto #7, and am hoping this will make things a little easier over the next few months, giving my hair the much-needed moisture and rejuvenation it needs.

  I know what you are thinking, that things could be a lot worse. I am married to a good man who loves me very much. I am still able to work in a profession I love, and I was able to go to Las Vegas last weekend--some of Dr. Smith's patients are unable to work anymore, let alone see Britney Spears "Piece of Me."

  Obviously, Las Vegas was fun. I remembered how much I love Vegas, and appreciate it more in my late thirties than I did in my mid-twenties.  My friend Annie and I enjoyed stellar accommodations at the Luxor, 

 And this was the view from our room:

    

  We continued our world tour of Madame Tussaud's Wax Museums,

  Had fabulous dinners at Trevi and Shibuya, and were lucky enough to get Britney Spears tickets.  "Piece of Me" was a happy and joyous night. The set list was hit after hit. Brit's dancers admittedly did most of the work, and her choreography was a tad uninspired. But she looked great, and the show was fabulous.

  I also ventured out on my own a little to explore some iconic Las Vegas dining institutions. While Annie was in Mass on Sunday morning, I took the Deuce to the Peppermill Fireside Restaurant. It was one of the best breakfasts of my life-The Munch's Breakfast and one of the most beautiful and freshly made Bloody Marys I have ever tasted.

  On Monday, I got to personally thank the Luxor's Chef Concierge, Toby. Then I caught up with my friend Mitch, and we enjoyed a fantastic lunch at the legendary Lotus of Siam. 

  It was definitely worth the trip, and as you can see we were honored to got a picture with Chef Saipin Chutima!

  It was a fabulous weekend, and I look forward to my next visit to Vegas, hopefully for The Big Guy's birthday.

  Tomorrow I get my tumor marker blood test results, so hair loss aside, am hopeful that things are continuing to work with my treatment.  I am exhausted from my injections today, but look forward to returning to work, and know that tomorrow is a new day.

Happy Spring,

CVZ

  

April Highs and Lows

  April was a crazy month for me and The Big Guy. 

--On the 14th, we fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine by traveling to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

--Easter Week we welcomed my wonderful brother-in-law, sister-in-law and adorable nephews for the entire week.

  We don't get to see these very special people very often, but had a great time reconnecting.

  I adore my nephews, and love the interesting people they are growing up to be.

--On Monday the 21st, I had a PET Scan to see how my treatment is working, and a biopsy to rule out a potential inflammatory breast cancer reoccurrence. It was a painful three hours, and for the next four days I tried desperately to enjoy happy times while wondering how the hell many different kinds of breast cancer I could get. My oncologist Dr. Smith called me Thursday evening to tell me the  biopsy was benign, and the PET Scan was showing signs of "less activity." Lots to be thankful for, and Aunt Cindy definitely bought celebratory ice cream that night!

  I was again reminded of how my only way to keep a level head through all of this is to celebrate the smallest of victories. 

  Friday the 25th, my wonderful Dad #TheOriginalBobbyVan and stepmother Patti came to visit for the weekend. We had a wonderful visit, and it was nice to make happy memories. 

  I really enjoy talking with my Dad, and am so thankful for his love and support.

--Over the last week, I have said goodbye to my friends and colleagues, as they have traveled to Los Cabos for the Les Clefs d'Or Pan-American Congress.

  A few months ago, I wasn't sure I would feel well enough to make that trip. I decided not to register for the Congress.

  Long before the diagnosis of my metastisis, my dear friend Annie and I had been trying to plan a Girls' Trip to Las Vegas. In fact, we were considering a February visit, but my January 10th oophorectomy would have put a serious damper on things. 

  We finally settled on a long weekend, starting tomorrow, and I can't wait!

  This is me and Annie in the late 90's, at Caesar's in Atlantic City.

  This is us on my wedding day, September 20, 2009:

Photo Credit: Cynthia Dudzinski

  This is by far my most favorite picture of us. It is, quite simply, us being us. 

  I am so happy to make new Casino Memories with Annie, and get to celebrate her 35th Birthday while we are there.

  We are looking forward to staying at the Luxor this weekend, and have dinners planned at Trevi and Shibuya. Some fabulous people have been instrumental in helping make this weekend be extra-special, and I look forward to telling you all about it in my next post.

Happy Spring,

CVZ 

A Love Letter to #PHILLY

Dear Philly,

  As anyone who has known me for maybe an hour knows that I love you. I am a #PhillyTransplantInDC. I love my life in Washington, but I will always consider The City of Brotherly Love my home. 

 Here are a few of my favorite things about you:

Chinatown 

  My first apartment after college was at 9th & Arch Streets, above Eddie's Tattoo Parlor in Chinatown--one block from the Chinese Friendship Gate.

  I loved that apartment. It was two stories, definitely rustic, and I threw several epic parties at my "Little House Above The Tattoo Parlor."  

  Living in Chinatown was an unforgettable experience. This was before condos popped up all over and it was a hip place to reside. I love the steamy dim sum carts at Joy Tsin Lau and Ocean City, the big bags of fortune cookies in my mini-market/laundromat on 10th Street, and how the neighborhood felt completely separate from the rest of Center City.

Rittenhouse Square

  My next apartment was at 20th and Spruce Streets, across from Audrey Claire and above what everyone used to call "The Beer Store."

  I love the Square lightly covered in snow, and all the dogs (groomed to within an inch of their lives) coming and going, year-round.  I love the sculptures that always seem to have children hanging on them, the wall at 18th and Walnut where bike messengers hang out in between assignments, and the giant tree, menorah and clear lights over the holidays.

  Something else I still love about Rittenhouse Square is D'Angelo's Ristorante Italiano.  I could see D'Angelo's from my kitchen window, and if given the option, for almost five years, I usually preferred that they cook for me. 

  The D'Angelo Family were fantastic neighbors.  The list of their kindnesses would be a mile long. Their food is delicious and reminds me of my late Grandmother's cooking (Sal D'Angelo has always said this is the greatest compliment anyone could ever give him). 

  When The Big Guy and I got married in Washington in September of '09, we were honored that Sal made the trip for the occasion, but even more so that he serenaded me in Italian at the reception. 

Photo Credit: Moshe Zusman 

  

The Phillies

  I love my Phillies. It doesn't matter where I live in the world, I will always be a #truephan. As Chris Matthews said, "The more they lose, the more I love them."

  The Phillies also have the greatest mascot in the history of sports, the Phillie Phanatic.

  I loved the Phillies' former home,  Veteran's Stadium. Referred to as a concrete beast by some, it was the first ballpark I ever knew. Citizen's Bank Park is a beautiful new home for the team, and I love all the nooks and crannies of the building.

  This could go on forever, how:

  I love buying produce in the Italian Market.

  I love the fried ravioli at the Locust Rendezvous.

  Pat's is infinitely a better cheesesteak than Geno's.

  I love how the sun streams into the window panes of the Plough and the Stars in Old City.

  When in need of cannolis and rum cake, it is always Isgro's over Termini's.

  At my most stressful "grown-up" days I would be delighted to sit in the Japanese Tea House room at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.  And I love everything about the PMA, especially the view of your skyline from the "Rocky Steps."

 It's been almost six years since I started a new life for myself in Washington, but luckily I live train-distance from you, so I will always be back!

Go Phillies,

CVZ

La Lumiere

  The day after my last blog post, I attended the February Membership Meeting of the Washington Area Concierge Association at the Loews Madison Hotel.  As a Board Member, I usually have more of a handle on the workings of the meeting. This particular month, I knew that I would be honored as that month's "La Lumiere," recognizing my contributions to our local concierge community. 

  I had known about this honor for about two weeks, but as I told my Director of Rooms Joseph, "People will say nice things about me and light candles, that's all I can tell you."

  I was happy that Joseph and my wonderful General Manager, Jean-Christophe, attended our meeting. The La Lumiere ceremony took place after the usual business had been discussed.

  Julie from the Four Seasons spoke about the origins and meaning of the honor, and how my love affair with hotels started on a family vacation when I was six, and my mother let me order an ice cream sundae from Room Service. (True)

  Those that spoke about me were Leslie from the St. Regis (a good friend and the President of our Association), Cameron one of my colleague at the Sofitel, my friend Dan from the Ritz-Carlton, Azi from the Mayflower (who works on-call at the Sofitel as well), and Shujaat from the Capital Hilton (also the President of Les Clefs d'Or, USA). 

  To say that many of the remarks were moving would be a complete understatement. If they hadn't made me stand in front of the room, I definitely would've started crying. The friend I am, my patience when training someone in the job, plus my work in Washington over the last 5+ years, as well as my recent personal challenges were all highlighted. After each Concierge spoke, they lit a candle on a candleabra. 

  My GM also said some lovely things, even though we've only worked together for six months.

  As I tweeted later:

  The flowers I am holding in the picture are from my friend Stef, who along with a few other "civilian" friends came to cheer me on. 

  Sometimes, my personal challenges can distract me from why I love my job. The whole evening was a beautiful reminder for me.

  Other things that have made me happy lately:

  A few days after the WACA Meeting, I traveled to Abington, Pennsylvania to visit my Aunt Karen, Uncle Bob, and their dog Abby. I spent two nights catching up, eating hoagies, playing with the dog

and recharging my batteries.

  March 9th I welcomed my Aunt Linda and Aunt Joan for an overnight visit to Washington.  They stayed at the Sofitel, and loved it.  We visited the National Gallery of Art, the Newseum,

and saw the "American Cool" exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery.  We had a lovely visit, and I really enjoyed making new memories and reconnecting with my late Mother's sisters. 

  On the 12th I had my monthly checkup with my oncologist, Dr. Smith.  #TheBigGuy had to work, so my new friend and colleague Emily came to keep me company at the office, and I showed her around Friendship Heights a little bit. Dr. Smith said if my tumor marker blood test didn't go up, I wouldn't need a PET Scan before I saw him in April. The next day, I was told my tumor marker number went down by almost HALF. So, I don't need a PET Scan before my April checkup, and for now, my treatment seems to be working. Thankful for Small Victories.

Stay Warm,

CVZ 

Small Victories

  There is very little about what I am dealing with now that is similar to what I went through in 2010.

  Almost four years ago, I was told I had breast cancer.  I was prescribed the "full menu" of treatment. I had some really rough patches through my treatment, but knew that there was an end in sight.  I dug in and fought and felt in my heart that if I listened to my doctors, went to all my appointments, and did what I was told, I would eventually find myself in remission.  For a while, things looked good. I referred to myself as a "Breast Cancer Survivor," and every Spring at the Komen Race, proudly don the pink "Survivor" shirt.  I was sometimes only reminded of my recent history when it came time to see my medical oncologist, Dr. Smith. 

  These days, I am living blood test to blood test, and scan to scan. I have really struggled with the recent realization that there is no end in sight.  I am hopeful that we keep this under control and can always get the better of the tumors, but I don't know if that will always be the case.  It's kind of heartbreaking to realize your body is betraying you, and robs you of a blissful ignorance that many people seem to be walking around with.

  On my recent checkup with Dr. Smith on February 12th, I asked him when he would think my current treatment wasn't working, if we might need to change The Plan.  He said if my tumor marker blood test went up to 750 we were fine (my last results were 619). If it hit 850, he would be worried and we'd need to change The Plan.  I took a deep breath, figured we had a good 100 points to play with, and said a little prayer that he wouldn't get "worried."

  The next day, the 13th, was when I was supposed to call to get my results. That was the day of Washington's "storm" so Dr. Smith's office was closed.  I took a moment during a typically chaotic Valentine's morning to call for my results.  It went up only nine points. I was wished a Happy Valentine's Day by Ellen the nurse, and loved hearing her say, "See you in a month."  I stepped into the little closet behind my concierge desk, and wiped away a few tears (yes, everything is still making me cry). 

  On my way home that afternoon, I started realizing that life now is not just going from blood test to blood test and scan to scan. Now I would focus on the smallest of victories, and try to cram as much fun as I can in between.

  Things that made me happy this week:

--Thursday February 13th marked fifteen years since I started working at my first Concierge Desk. I am so lucky to have a career I still love.  A few special people selected, trained and looked out for me. I am blessed to now have a network of friends and colleagues all over the globe that still look out for me.  This is me with Marc and Gideon (my first mentors) in 1999:

  And here I am at my desk on Valentine's Day this year:

--After an exhausting and productive February 14th, I went home happy to have made so many guests happy.  I love the shared challenges my colleagues and I have on this date. Inauguration, Academy Awards, Chicago Marathon, any number of crazy dates "Across the Marble" all over the U.S. and the world are unique to our locations. It doesn't matter where you work in the world--people are still going to need rosesrosesroses, require last minute dinner reservations, and want help making memories.  "The Big Guy" worked 3-11, so I waited for him to get home for a "Date Night In":

  We sipped champagne and toasted Small Victories.

--My Mother's sisters, my Aunt Joan and Aunt Linda are coming to visit me next month.  This is Aunt Linda with "The Big Guy" right after our wedding in 2009:

  They live in New Jersey and I don't get to see them often. I'm looking forward to a little early Springtime sightseeing and reconnecting with them.

Stay Warm,

CVZ

How am I doing?

Since it has been almost four weeks since my surgery, and two weeks since I've returned to work, I've figured it is time for an update.

I am taking the Letrozole every day, and have had injections twice now, with the goal of shrinking the tumors.  I had to work after my injections last Friday, and found myself to be worn out so am going to try and take off on injection days.  I go back to my oncologist on February 12th for my one month check-up. We are hopeful that my tumor marker numbers will start to drop and I can breathe a little easier.  

Returning to a job I love has done me a lot of good. It takes my mind off my personal challenges and helps me to focus.  Getting to take care of my guests, and being welcomed by some amazing colleagues have been personally really rewarding for me. Thankfully, my first day back--January 20th was quiet at the hotel, because at the end of the day I was still exhausted.  I was in my Eagles pajama pants by 4:30 that day!

I am sleeping better now than I had been a week ago. I try to not let my head hit the pillow until I am really ready to turn things off, and stop worrying about my health (at least for the evening).  

I am making plans for travels in 2014, but made a tough decision. I won't be attending the Les Clefs d'Or Pan American Congress in Los Cabos later on this Spring. I will definitely miss representing my hotel and seeing my friends and colleagues from the U.S., Canada, Mexico, Brazil and Argentina. However, after traveling the world while attending 11 Congresses, I know the pace of these meetings is too much for me right now.  My wonderful General Manager was totally understanding - he said "It's better to miss one then miss all of them."

Today I had my check-up with my surgeon. She said I am healing well, and sent me on my way.

Things that made me happy today:

--We had a little break in our awful

Winter Weather yesterday, and saw temps in the 50's.

--The Big Guy and I had a fantastic dinner last night at Joe's Seafood, Prime Steak & Stone Crab.

  We enjoyed delicious dishes like this while watching the first half of the Super Bowl. 

--My cousin Tom sent me pictures from my 3rd Birthday Party:

  It's hard to believe we were all so young once.

  And cute!

--Today I realized that pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in 10 days. Bring on, Baseball Season!

Stay Warm,

CVZ

A shot in the @$$, fighting cancer one cheek at a time

  Today I had another appointment with my medical oncologist, Dr. Smith.  He gave me my prescription for Letrozole and said start taking it right away.  Dr. Smith also said he wanted to try to shrink the tumors by giving me shots of Faslodex, one shot in each buttock, at first every two weeks, then monthly. 

  I asked when we could start the shots, and he said how about today. I said "Let's do it. If I have to shell out my copay, let's get the most out of these appointments!"

 Minutes later, a nurse came in to give me the shots. She told me to lean on the opposite leg when she gave each injection, to give more "cushion for the pushin'."  I said not to worry on the cushion front. She said that the "skinny girls" don't have anything to prevent it from hurting.  Silver Lining, anyone?

  Well it did hurt a little. But, I can get used to this.  Also, I felt like I was taking a positive step.

  I made an appointment for Friday January 31st for another set of shots. I took my Letrozole to get filled.  Things that made me happy today:

--The Letrozole cost me $8 (I was afraid of some exorbitant amount).

--Two good friends from work came to visit me this afternoon.

  As you can see, I had a lovely time with them.

--My cousin Jen called me today, and I don't get to talk to her all the time.  This is us on my Wedding Day:

--Friends of mine went to Philadelphia last weekend, and brought me my favorite cheese from DiBruno Brothers, Prima Donna.  I am home watching television and enjoying one of my favorite foods.

Happy Weekend, Everybody!

To Clinical Trial or not to Clinical Trial, Or I Am Not A Number

  Today started out lovely, peaceful and relaxing. I had nowhere to be until 2:00 for my haircut. I stayed in bed, listening to Howard Stern and reading the Washington Post. 

  At around 10:30, I received the call I had been waiting for. A nurse wanted to do a quick medical history (not always so quick with me) and see if I would qualify for a clinical trial. My wonderful medical oncologist Dr. Smith wants to put me on a drug called Letrozole to try to shrink the tumors in my liver. I've been not-so-patiently waiting for a call from the Clinical Trial, to start taking an experimental drug along with the Letrozole, that is supposed to enhance the positive effects of the Letrozole.

  After 40+ minutes of rehashing my ailments and my late mother's ailments, I was told they would be in touch if I was indeed a candidate for the study. The nurse was lovely, but spoke of additional tests before any pill would hit my mouth "Two Weeks, Three Weeks..."

  I had already been anxious about getting started on treatment. My January 10th oophorectomy was already part of my treatment, and supposed to help shrink the tumors. My tumor marker blood test, the one that jumped some 350 points to 400 (which is what led us to my diagnosis last month), has been nothing but going up since last month.  On January 3rd, the number jumped to 500. Yesterday, they told me the blood they took on the 14th was 619.  I seriously started to wonder if the cancer was totally overtaking my body. 

  Yesterday at 4:30, I decided to ask anyone that might still be in Dr. Smith's office how concerned I should be about the escalating numbers. I walked into the office and asked if anyone might still be in to answer my questions. Suzie, Dr. Smith's fantastic Head Nurse, came out to talk to me for at least ten minutes.  She told me I just had my surgery, and they weren't concerned about the numbers.  What would be alarming would be if the numbers doubled, and I was nowhere near that.  I left Dr. Smith's office feeling calm, and slept better last night than I had in ages. 

  This morning, after I said goodbye to the Clinical Trial nurse, I thought about a few things:

--the pace of the clinical trial was concerning me

--I hated the thought of additional tests at another hospital, and either not qualifying or ending up with the placebo.

--I have the utmost faith in my medical oncologist, and after my "drop-in" yesterday, I was touched by the kindness of his staff.

  The phone rang again and it was another nurse to schedule me for an appointment with the Clinical Trial. I thanked her but said I was no longer interested in participating in the Study. Then I called Dr. Smith's office to tell them I was not pursuing the study, and wanted to get started right away on the Letrozole. 

  Two hours later, Dr. Smith called and asked me what changed my mind. I told him the pace was bothering me, I didn't want to be a number, and if I had to make several trips to Georgetown, I would prefer a spin through Kate Spade, a cocktail, and to look at the Potomac. He said he was happy to treat me. I told him I was happy to have him treat me.

  Other things to make me happy today:

  I love my new haircut. Brenda at PR at Partners Mazza Gallerie is a joyful, super-talented bundle of creativity.

  My fellow Board Members of the Washington Area Concierge Association sent me and The Big Guy a delicious Pete's New Haven pie for dinner tonight.

  Today I have felt happy and more empowered than I have for a long time.

Take my ovary, please!

  So the day after tomorrow, I have to go back to Sibley Hospital for an outpatient surgery. They have to remove my right ovary and Fallopian tube.
  The left one was removed when I was 19 and diagnosed with clear cell ovarian cancer.  I begged my gynecologic oncologist at the time to "scoop me out completely" as I so eloquently put it.  He said that since I was "still of childbearing age," he couldn't do that. I remember telling him that I was already pretty sure I didn't want kids, that I just wanted to be alive for a long time. And even if I changed my mind, I had a feeling that my body just didn't respond well to ovulation, and I was sort of terrified of being pregnant.
  Fast-forward 19 years, and my breast cancer came back. It's funny, for the last three years I have been studying my skin around my "foobs" expecting the inflammatory breast cancer would only come right back in the same aggressive way.  I was completely unprepared for it to spread to my liver.
  Apparently we need to get the remaining ovary out of my body immediately as estrogen is the worst for my cancer.  No chemo needed at this point, I just have to start on a hormone therapy four days after my surgery. Anything we can do to shrink the tumors.  A few things to keep in mind:
--There is no cure for this, but it doesn't mean it is terminal. I see this as the "Wack-A-Mole" of cancer (my Medical Oncologist Dr. Smith liked that).  We may control it for a bit, for several years, "chronic and manageable" yadayadayada, then it may pop up in the liver again or somewhere else.
--I still don't want kids. I'm not mourning the loss of my ability to procreate. If anything, the silver lining to all this is no more periods.
--Right now, I am trying to stay positive and cram as much fun as possible into my days. Goals before I'm 40: I must see Italy, and the Baseball Hall of Fame.  There will be many more goals for each decade but those are my current ones.
  I'm also hoping this blog isn't always so "cancer-y" but that is what is going on right now in my life.